Yvette, my wonderful wife of almost 15 years, and I are getting ready to embark on our 8^th Carnival cruise.  However, unless Carnival Cruise Line corrects some, in my opinion, very basic issues, there may not be a 10^th, 15^th or 20^th Carnival cruise.

Something in the Water

It doesn’t matter how many times I think about visiting the gym while on the cruise, it seems that I gain a little weight.  I am almost positive that Carnival puts something in the water that causes me to gain a little weight.  I can assure you it’s not my fault.  I am careful at the breakfast buffet, morning brunch, lunch buffet, afternoon snack, multiple course dinner, 24 hour pizzeria, and free room service.  So I know it’s not me.  It must be something that Carnival puts in the water that causes me to gain a little weight every cruise.

Room Service, To the Extreme

Yvette and I have stayed in several hotels and even a resort.  Carnival’s habit of cleaning your room twice a day is taking it to the extreme.  I am used to someone coming in and cleaning our room once a day.  But the twice a day service that we get on Carnival Cruise Lines is just downright excessive.  The pair of dirty socks on our bedroom floor has not moved for two days.  But if we had been on a Carnival Cruise ship, they would have magically been transported somewhere.

Rumpy Pumpy, Lack Thereof

One of Yvette’s chief complaints with any of our cruises is the lack of let’s say marital relations.  It seems that with all of the onboard activities and shore excursions that I am often too exhausted to do anything but sleep in our cabin.  This is certainly having some impact to our marital bliss.  Here we go on a wonderful cruise and then . . . nothing.  Carnival really needs to look at cutting back on the fun activities so I have some energy left at night, when it counts.

Tuck In Service

I hear that on some other major cruise lines, which I will not mention here, have an option to have your children tucked in at night by some costumed character.  Where is this service for adults on Carnival Cruise Lines?  Having visited the bridge on a Behind the Fun tour in December 2010, I know that there are some handsome Italian officers available to tuck in my wife at night.  While they are tucking in my wife, why can’t I get one of those showgirls to tuck me in?  A tuck-in service would go a long way to compete with those other lines.

So, Gerry Cahill and John Heald, if you expect us to book our 10^th, 15^th or 20^th cruises, you need to correct these very basic issues with your service

This is something we and many in my family have been doing for the last several years. We prepare and share our own self serving Christmas lists.  The lists serve two purposes.  First, it helps the family with ideas for gifts.  Second, it helps avoid receiving something that came with a lot of thought and love, but still ends up as a future donation.

The lists are a great help for Yvette and I who don’t get to see family very often. We love being able to buy something that someone wants or needs, rather than racking our heads for a suitable gift.  If you don’t provide a list, you can expect a gift card.

The Christmas lists from my family cover the range from books to music, clothes for children, and family friendly movies and games.  Further, there are generally several items of different price ranges so that family can select what they want and can afford to give.  Once we select a give for someone, we share it with each other, excluding the recipient, to avoid duplicates.

For me, developing the list is somewhat difficult, because if I really needed or wanted it, I would have already bought it.

Interestingly, one Christmas gift that we didn’t ask for, I think it predates list, is one that we use almost every day.  Beth, my oldest sister, gave us matching Tupperware coffee canisters one year.  One holds the coffee and the other holds the filter and scoop.

So in the “spirit” of the upcoming season, here is my list.

Donate to one of the following organizations:

• American Diabetes Association – for Yvette
• Cystic Fibrosis Foundation – for Michael
• ASPCA, Humane Society or your local animal shelter – for all of the animals who need our help

STOP:  If you are going to use a credit card to purchase any gift this season, then stop.  I don’t want a gift.  Instead, send me pictures of you and your family along with a brief letter about how you are doing and an offer that Yvette and I are welcome to visit and stay in your house anytime.

Otherwise, please feel free to choose from one or more of the following.  I included items of varying costs to fit everyone’s budget.

• Logo T-Shirt, large – under $10
• Streets of Fire DVD, used ­– under $10, and look for it at Half Price Books
• Stafford Performance Dress Shirt, White Broadcloth – $19 on sale, can never have too many white dress shirts
• Sneakers, size 9 ½  – $40, my primary pair is now two years old and ready to move to gym duty
• Portable Hard Drive, 1 TB – $70, but wait for the Christmas sales
• Dell XPS 15z Laptop – $1,499, I can use it to write a blog post thanking you for the gift
• Crossroads Zinger ZT25SB Travel Trailer – $20,531 approximately, I will let you sleep in it (once)
• 2011 Silverado 1500 Crew Cab LS – $27,235 approximately, I will take you for a ride (also once)

The cravings had come and gone, yet I persisted.

I grew weak.

I drove to the store and purchased a bottle.

It sat next to a glass of ice and can of Coke Zero for several minutes.

I removed the safety seal, yet the bottle remained closed for several more minutes.

Finally, I poured a glass, mixed in the soda and drank.

Then I repeated.

It was October 6 and I felt like I failed.

The next morning, the nearly full bottle went out with the garbage.

Two days have slowly ticked by.

She was standing there in her bra without a shirt.

I joked that while I liked the look, I wasn’t sure it would be appropriate for work.  Here is how the rest of the conversation went.

Yvette:  There is no rule that requires me to wear a shirt.

Me:  There is a personnel policy about dressing professionally.

Yvette:  So maybe this isn’t professional for my current job.

Then she left me wondering what her next job would be that I could watch her running around in her bra.

On Saturday morning, while Yvette and I were cooking breakfast, I heard a 3 year old ask her mom if she could have some potato chips. The request did not come out of the blue since we had all of our weekend food, including a big box of chips, stacked in and around the dining room table.

Now it would have been very easy for her mom to just say no to the potato chips. But she surprised me. Instead of saying no, she responded,

You are not making good choices. I have taught you to make good choices.

That was powerful. Here was a 3 year old who was learning to make good choices, and not just responding to the word no.

She did not get her potato chips, but she did get some of the pancakes that I was cooking.