Eric Holen

Two months slowly ticked by.

The cravings had come and gone, yet I persisted.

I grew weak.

I drove to the store and purchased a bottle.

It sat next to a glass of ice and can of Coke Zero for several minutes.

I removed the safety seal, yet the bottle remained closed for several more minutes.

Finally, I poured a glass, mixed in the soda and drank.

Then I repeated.

It was October 6 and I felt like I failed.

The next morning, the nearly full bottle went out with the garbage.

Two days have slowly ticked by.

A few years ago, my sister Marianne and her family gave Yvette and me a beautiful tile for Christmas. They had taken a floor tile and applied “Be something” sayings around the outside of the tile. In addition to be being a thoughtful gift it was homemade from their family to ours.

The tile sat propped against the wall in my study for at least a year until we could find an appropriate mount to hand it on a wall. Then it moved out to the dining room table for another year to remind us to find a mount. Then we found and attached the mount, yet it sat on the dining room table while we thought about where to hang it. Finally, and just last night, we hung the tile overlooking our dining room table.

Through all of that time, I have tried not to lose sight of the messages that the tile provided. Here are those messages, read clockwise from the tile.

Be Grateful – Recognize that Yvette and I are comfortable, have a very happy marriage, a roof over our heads and a car to travel. I have a job, keyword have, that I enjoy getting up for every single day.

Be Smart – Think before acting. I can control my actions, but I cannot control the consequences they may have.

Be Still – There are times when it makes sense to sit back and relax. Life doesn’t have to be about doing something every moment of the day.

Be Prayerful – Always recognize that God has a greater purpose for our lives. Pray that I am serving Him in the way that He intended.

Be True – Be honest with myself, Yvette and with those that support me. Recognize that I have challenges that I am still working to overcome.

Be Clean – Watch what I think about and say. It should always be something I would be willing to share on this blog.

Be Involved – Continue to support others and my community. It is important to give back by helping and supporting others and their causes.

Be Positive – Regardless of what others are saying or what is happening around me, keep a smile on my face and please thoughts in my head. Be an example to others by not letting my words or actions be negative or hurtful.

Be Honorable – Do the right thing each and every time the opportunity presents itself.

While it took a few years to hang the tile on the wall, its messages have and will continue to carry me forward. My continued thanks to Marianne and the entire Martin family for the gift.

By trade, I spend a lot of time evaluating and performing return on investment analysis on proposed systems. Then as those systems get older, I end up performing cost benefit analysis to determine whether it makes sense to retain or replace those same systems.

What happens when we use those same terms on relationships? 

When we begin dating someone, we often perform a return on investment (ROI). How much are we putting into the relationship versus how much we are getting in return? Don’t let your mind wander with that statement.  Dating is about the long term goal, finding that special someone who you hope to spend your life with. Early in the relationship, you often find yourself giving a lot of your time, self and money to support and grow the relationship. That leads to an evaluation on whether your investment in the short-term relationship will provide a return; that is a long-term relationship with someone you love.  If you’re investing in a short term relationship with no long term potential, then your ROI fails. 

However, if your ROI works, then you are joined in marriage or in a civil union. 

Now that you “own” each other, I know it’s a bad term, but I couldn’t think of something better, we perform a cost benefit analysis. Maintaining a marriage takes time and effort.  Don’t let anyone convince you that marriage is 50/50.  If they tell you that, ask them what happens when a spouse can’t contribute their 50%?  A marriage requires 100% from both partners.  That way when one partner falls a little short, the other partner picks up the slack.  Throughout marriage, we evaluate the cost of supporting the marriage versus the benefits we are receiving.  Again, don’t let your mind wander.  Do you support each other? Are you happy?  Do you share similar goals and work towards helping each other fulfill those goals?  Continuing to spend yourself on a relationship without benefits doesn’t make sense. 

But if you married a wonderful person and are getting ready to celebrate 14 happy years of marriage in a couple weeks, then my analysis points to a great investment.

Tonight, I received what did, but should not have come as a shock, my new identification cards listing me as support member, not a firefighter.

I joined the Kyle Volunteer Fire Department in October 2003, less than two months after closing on our new home.  I was voted in with 3 other volunteers, but I am the only one left out of the group.  My first big function was our annual fish fry (second Saturday in October).

At that time, you were given your bunker gear, an orientation in the department, and everything else was learned on the job or at the monthly training meeting.  It wasn’t long before I was jumping on the truck and heading out to calls.  My very first call was a motor vehicle accident (MVA) on I-35.  My first fire was a small unattended camping fire just east of the Spring Branch subdivision.  It was long before the calls and fires got bigger.

Eventually, and as the department grew, I was elected vice-president, then president, and after stepping down following two years of dedicated service, now serve as the treasurer helping to oversee a budget that has grown to a little over $2 million.

However, as the years went on and my paying job took more of my time and effort, I started losing the energy to respond. Then as we started adding more paid staff, it came that I might not be one of the senior firefighters on the scene, but one of the volunteers supporting the paid staff, who were doing a great job.

A couple of times, I tried to rekindle the energy to respond on calls, but after increasingly rough times at work, I found that more and more I needed me time to recharge for the following day.  Thank goodness for those volunteer firefighters who have families and jobs and who still have the energy to respond.

A couple months ago, I officially turned in my radio and gear.  Tonight, I drove to station 1 to do what I enjoy, reviewing our financials and signing checks.  Still it was a shock to see the new ID cards listing me as a support member.

My tag line has been “Systems analyst, project manager, and volunteer firefighter. Happily married to Yvette for 13 years, always trying to be a better person and husband.”; however, I am no longer a volunteer firefighter.

My thanks to all of our support members (like me), our volunteer firefighters and paid staff who serve the Kyle Fire Department every day.

A couple of weeks ago, Yvette and I caught the behind the scenes of Oprah’s favorite things episode.  That and Yvette’s love affair with the Samsung Tab I bought her for Christmas got me thinking about my favorite things.  Mind you, except for Buddy, these are not the same things that I would risk my life to pull out of a burning building.  These are the things that make my days enjoyable.

Unlike Oprah’s favorite things, you are not going to walk away with any of these items at the end of the blog post.

• Shick Quatro Razor – I have been shaving my head for over two years now.  I shave in the shower each morning, sometime taking weekends off depending on our schedule.  Previously, I was using a generic Trac II razor and I had to change the blade twice a week, on Mondays and Wednesdays.  One Sunday (I think) our newspaper included a free Shick Quatro razor.  I didn’t use it right away since my generic Trac II worked just fine (or so I thought).  Then one day, probably because I ran out of blades, I pulled out the Shick Quatro to shave.  It was like heaven.  The four blades glided across my head, having with just one stroke instead of two or three.  Furthermore, my head felt smoother and less irritated and I only had to change my blade once a week.  Later, when I broke the razor, I replaced it with the “Wolverine” version they released to coincide the with the film’s release.  Nothing starts the day better than a good shave.
• GE Spacemaker III Microwave – I moved out of my mom’s house into a studio apartment in the late 80s.  One of my first purchases, being a bachelor, was a microwave from Sears.  Here it is 2011, almost 22 years later, and the microwave is still going strong.  Tonight we had tacos for dinner.  Except for the taco shells, which Yvette’s mom fried up for us, we reheated everything in my 22 year-old microwave.  From the chicken that Yvette cooked up on Sunday, to the rice and refried beans, all of it served hot with my bachelor microwave.  Yvette and I have thought about replacing it, but how can you replace something that has served me well for over 20 years?
• Buddy (my dog) – He is almost 13 years old, blind in one eye, urinates in the middle of the floor, but he is MY dog.  Many years ago, I was working for El Paso Emergency Medical Services and Yvette was working two blocks away at the El Paso County Nutrition Program.  One day, Yvette showed up with a box of puppies that her co-worker was giving away.  I kicked and screamed for a few minutes, but Yvette convinced one of my co-workers to talk me into picking a one of the puppies.  When I reached into the box, I picked the first puppy that reached out to me.  That night, we were walking around PetSmart to get food and other necessities.  While we have three dogs today, Buddy is my dog.  As I sit her writing this blog, he is in his bed not 10 feet from me while the other two dogs are in bed with Yvette.
• Sprint HTC EVO – In July 2010, I replaced my 2-year old Motorola Q9c with my HTC EVO.  It is my communication device (non work-related) with the world.  It along with Twitter, Facebook, four email accounts and two telephone numbers (Sprint and Google Voice), is my connection to family and friends.  I love my phone.  Just recently my love increased after Yvette and I downloaded Wordsmith (Scrabble) to our respective devices, and started playing extended games.  For non-work related activities, I probably spend more time using the Internet on my HTC EVO then I do my home computer.
• King Bed – This is a new addition to the list thanks to the Denver Mattress Company.  Thank you to the two other mattress stores we visited and their failed up selling attempts that turned me away.  For over 14 years, Yvette and I have shared a queen bed.  When it was just the two of us, and the two of us plus buddy, a queen was just fine.  However, the two of us and three dogs was getting a little crowded.  We knew we wanted a kind bed, but wanted to save up for the bedroom set.  Then one day we realized that we could buy the mattress set now and the bedroom set later.  One Sunday, Yvette and I saw an ad for a reasonably priced king mattress set at Denver Mattress Company.  We drove down to the Selma location and a very nice girl pointed out the very mattress and invited us to try it out (lay on it only, darn).  No up selling involved.  Within a couple of minutes, Yvette and I were sold and purchased the mattress set and inexpensive frame.  Now we have plenty of space to get a good night’s sleep even with three dogs sharing our bed.